My Favorite Trial

marriageA little over a year ago, Devon and I were newer newlyweds than we are now. After surmounting the hurdle of marriage, we anticipated the next big life change: kids. Devon, being 24, was so ready. He was excited to start our own family and had a strong testimony of the blessings that family brings. I, on the other hand, was a little more reluctant. The whole getting-married-at-20 thing was not in my original plans, so the idea of having kids was still floating in the undetermined future. But, I wanted to have a plan and I wanted a compromise. We reasoned it out and decided that since Devon wanted to start right away and I wanted to wait two years, we would shoot for the middle. It would be most reasonable for us to start trying in a year and plan for me to be pregnant upon graduation. It sounded good, but we knew we needed the approval of the Lord.

We began to pray. We studied the scriptures and attended the temple with the question on our minds. During one of those temple trips, as I sat in the celestial room, I felt distinctly that I did not have enough faith to receive an answer or to be a parent yet. On September 30, I wrote in my journal:

“Today I learned why I’ve felt so insecure lately. The root of it all is a lack of faith. I am filled with fear. In order to conquer these fears and strengthen my faith, I need to develop my personal relationship with God.”

So, I focused harder on my relationship with God. I read my scriptures and prayed to have more faith, and finally my answer came. On October 8, Devon was in charge of doing Family Home Evening, as I read aloud in the Book of Mormon (Alma 32:21-43) I knew what it was that we needed to do. My lips were saying the words on the page, but at the same time, the Holy Ghost was whispering the answer I was searching for. I felt strongly that the Lord loves me and I knew that even though it wasn’t a part of my original plans, there was a spirit in heaven that wanted desperately to be a part of our family. This little spirit wanted to come to Earth with all of his might and he was waiting for us to open the door. I was terrified, but we stepped forward with faith.

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And now, a year later, that little spirit has a body and is the third member of our little family. As I held him in my arms today, Devon and I talked about how blessed we are. Arthur is such a sweet spirit. He’s almost always happy; he doesn’t often cry; he’s a good sleeper. We are so blessed. Even though the decision was hard and I never imagined I would be a mom at 21 years old, I know this is the best possible thing that could have happened to me. It’s better than a study abroad, an internship, a mission or a Ph.D. because this is what the Lord wants for me. He gave me the opportunity to be an integral part in the plan of salvation. He allowed me to take part in creating a beautiful little body for one of His spirit children. Even though I am imperfect and still have so many things to learn, I know that if we strive to align our will with God’s and learn His plan for us we will be happy. No, we will be joyful. There is no greater joy. 19

 

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4 Replies to “My Favorite Trial”

  1. This is so beautiful, Phoebe. Thanks for sharing. You two are the perfect parents. My children have brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined, and I’m sure you have felt that too with Arthur and will continue to experience that.

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