For the first time in several years, I’ve been making a concerted effort to have meaningful scripture study. I’ve been trying to not just read every day, but to focus on really studying and pondering the word of God. The older I get, the more I realize how little I can do and how dependent I am on the Lord. Even if I try with all of my might and mind, there are many problems in motherhood and life that I can’t solve on my own.
In trying to turn my life to the Lord, I’ve recognized His tender mercies and his little messages of love in my life. The other day, I was finishing up a particularly difficult shopping trip. I was desperately trying to find components for a Halloween costume and we had been to Walmart and Goodwill and probably spent more than two hours searching. The kids were hungry and tired. I was hungry and tired and having trouble keeping my cool. Once I’d strapped both kids in, I started the car and turned on the radio. Aaron Copland’s Simple Gifts came bursting through the speakers. Not only is it one of the most beautiful and joyous songs, but it is also one of my favorites. As I listened, I felt a wave of warmth and love, as if Heavenly Father was reassuring me that things would be okay and that He loved me. The song and the Spirit helped me to relax and muster enough patience to get us all to naptime.
I am so grateful for the little evidences of God’s love in my life. That love is the ultimate form of validation and encouragement and I am so grateful that I don’t have to mother all alone. Instead I have a heavenly confidant who can guide and teach me so that I can fulfill my potential and find more joy.